“I don’t have time.”
This is an excuse I hear all too often. When I recommend a health-promoting behavior to a patient, such as sleeping at least 8 hours per night, meditating, spending quality time with family and friends, or exercising regularly, some people respond reflexively by stating that they don’t have time. Others will give a more wistful response, such as: “Oh, I would love to, I know it’s good for me, but I just don’t have the time.” There are patients who cancel their therapy appointments because they “don’t have time” to attend, and those who fail to complete their therapy homework citing lack of time. While I sympathize with the feeling, I don’t buy this excuse.
Here’s the thing: time is the great equalizer. We each have different amounts of money, different abilities, different families, and different life circumstances, but we all have the same amount of time. Every single person on this earth is given 24 hours in each day, 7 days in each week, and 52 weeks in each year. What we do with that time is up to us. Believe it or not, you have quite a bit of control over how you spend your time.
When someone claims that they don’t have time to do X, what they really mean is that X is not important enough to make time for it. When you reframe the statement this way, it sounds much more pointed and critical, yet it is startlingly accurate:
“My mental health is not important enough to me to attend weekly therapy sessions.”
“I don’t care enough about my wellbeing to make the time to exercise regularly.”
“I’m choosing not to bring my daughter to therapy every week because attending volleyball practice is more important than her recovery.”
“My family just isn’t significant enough for me to take time out of my day to be with them.”
“I’m not coming to therapy tomorrow because it’s finals week, and my grades are much more important than my recovery.”
It is all a matter of priorities. We define ourselves and create our destiny, in part, by how we choose to spend our time. People spend substantial chunks of time each day twittering, texting, facebooking, watching television, and surfing the internet. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these activities. When used appropriately, they can be entertaining and life-enhancing. But when a college student tells me she has no time to sleep or exercise, and yet she spends two hours a day on facebook and goes out drinking with friends three nights a week, this says something about her values and priorities. When a parent claims that she “doesn’t have time” to transport her child to weekly therapy appointments, but clearly has the time to transport said child to soccer practice, voice lessons, youth group, and SAT prep classes, this too says something about how much the parent values her child’s mental health.
Most people would take time off from work or school to see their family doctor if they were sick. Most parents wouldn’t think twice about making time for their child to have chemotherapy, dialysis, surgery, or even orthodontist visits. Yet somehow, treatment for mental illness is not viewed with the same urgency. This is a huge mistake.
Individuals living with mental illness have more physical health problems than those who are mentally healthy. Depression costs society billions of dollars each year in lost productivity, not to mention suicide. Eating disorders often become chronic, disabling conditions and have mortality rates close to 20%. Schizophrenia and addiction often lead to homelessness. So why do we continue to view mental health treatment as optional or extracurricular? Why does our behavior suggest that mental health treatment is less important than work, school, sports, or facebook?
The impact of mental illness on individuals, families, and society is enormous, but the benefits of good mental health are immense and immeasurable. Improved mental health means increased productivity, reduced stress, more rewarding relationships, improved physical wellbeing, and overall satisfaction with life.
Achieving and sustaining good mental health is not merely a matter of attending therapy appointments, just as achieving physical health requires far more than visits to your doctor. Successful treatment for mental illness involves significant time, energy, and effort outside the therapist’s office. Many types of mental illness come with a life-long predisposition, so sufferers must be ever mindful of controlling symptoms and preventing relapse, even after complete recovery. Developing good self-care habits, completing therapy homework assignments, and creating a lifestyle conducive to overall wellbeing are all part of a holistic approach to mental wellness.
Think carefully about how you spend your time. Ask yourself if the way you spend your time reflects your true values and priorities. If mental health is a priority for you, don’t just say it – LIVE it – and the benefits of good mental health will be yours to enjoy.
I used to make excuses not to go to therapy – classes were scheduled at that time only, i had an exam to cram for, etc. What I find unfortunate about therapy and psychiatry is that if someone has a chronic mental health problem, like I have, and I need to go to therapy weekly and nutrition appointments, I can’t get out of work during business hours, when most practitioners have office hours. Some work places – most work places – are non-negotiable about missing an hour every week for a “doctor’s appointment.” While many private practitioners have evening or sometimes Saturday hours, most group practices are open during business hours, when people who could benefit from appointments, can’t get away from work.
I understand your point about making time for appointments and assignments, and I definitely appreciate you writing about it.
Stace,
I completely agree with you – mental health practitioners need to arrange their schedules to accommodate their clients. At the same time, employers need to be flexible and understanding of their employee’s mental health needs. It is not at all unreasonable to allow an employee to arrange her work schedule around a weekly therapy appointment. Many workplaces have “flex time” for these types of situations. A more flexible approach that allows all employees to take care of themselves will ultimately improve worker satisfaction and productivity, so it’s a win-win.
Dr. Ravin, thank you. This is such an important lesson and one we often forget – sometimes willfully and even spitefully.
I fought this advice many times, feeling my motives or priorities were being questioned or that the other person was minimizing my other concerns. What finally worked best was to hear that I was being a poor example to my kids.
Thank you again.
One thing that’s important to me in my recovery is becoming, what I’ve come to call, “The Director of my Life” and, in being that, I’m also “The Director of my time.”
It’s so true. I would make time for the most inane of ED-related things, but I found excuses that recovery would take up too much time.
The problem is that most of my crazy ED- and anxiety-driven behaviors were reinforced by society. Our college had a breakfast in the student union for the students who had been studying all night. I got good grades, fellowships, scholarships. I got pats on the back for being a gym bunny and for being able to wear that coveted Size Zero.
As much as we roll our eyes at the workaholic in cubicle B, we are also deeply jealous of their drive and their commitment. They are the standard we are supposed to emulate. And it’s really bloody confusing sometimes.
It’s so true. I would make time for the most inane of ED-related things, but I found excuses that recovery would take up too much time. The problem is that most of my crazy ED- and anxiety-driven behaviors were reinforced by society. Our college had a breakfast in the student union for the students who had been studying all night. I got good grades, fellowships, scholarships. I got pats on the back for being a gym bunny and for being able to wear that coveted Size Zero. As much as we roll our eyes at the workaholic in cubicle B, we are also deeply jealous of their drive and their commitment. They are the standard we are supposed to emulate. And it’s really bloody confusing sometimes.
One thing that’s important to me in my recovery is becoming, what I’ve come to call, “The Director of my Life” and, in being that, I’m also “The Director of my time.”
Hi Sarah
Just wanted to say how much I’ve been enjoying your blog. Really insightful and thoughtful writing – it’s also fascinating to learn a bit more about mental health issues from a clinical perspective. Thanks.
https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/5NCW8JL